| uo;s Not About YOU, It’s About THEM | | | | candle buying experience and played on that |
| I’ve always loved scented candles. They help | | | | knowledge to create copy that romanced the |
| create a cozy atmosphere. They give you a relaxed | | | | site visitor and increased the desire to buy. |
| feeling. And - most importantly - they make your | | | | The search engine optimization (SEO) aspect of the |
| home smell wonderful! So, naturally, I was excited | | | | copy came easily. The terms scented candles |
| when I was approached to rewrite the index (front) | | | | and soy candles flowed naturally as I created |
| page for an online retailer who made specialty, soy | | | | the copy so my primary goal was to use these |
| scented candles. | | | | phrases in power positions (like the headline and |
| The goals of the copywriting rewrite were to | | | | sub-heads). I’d also place them as often as I |
| increase sales and improve search engine positioning | | | | could without making the copy sound stiff or forced. |
| for the terms soy candles, and scented | | | | The Rewrite |
| candles. The copy definitely needed some work. | | | | You can view the new copy here ( As you can see, |
| It wasn’t bad, but it had one major | | | | the new version immediately begins to entice the site |
| thing holding it back. The copy violated one of the | | | | visitor. Everything she wants from a scented candle |
| primary rules of copywriting. It’s not about | | | | is laid out before her
and some things she might |
| you
it’s about them. | | | | not have known she wanted. |
| An additional problem was that the information - | | | | I began to pique interest in soy candles (as opposed |
| while definitely necessary - was presented as more | | | | to traditional wax candles found in stores) by |
| of a list of nuts and bolts. It needed a boost to | | | | immediately outlining the advantages soy candles |
| create a feeling about the candles for sale. | | | | offer. From there I played on the fragrance (the |
| The Problem | | | | most important characteristic according to the |
| As you can see from the original version, the copy | | | | National Candle Association). |
| either focused on the company or the candles. Very | | | | I led the customer through a mental tour of their |
| little of the copy focused on the customer. | | | | home - lighting candles for a special dinner, enjoying |
| Another element that was off in the copy | | | | the glow as they snuggled with a good book, and |
| was the lack of the experience. Site owner | | | | having the unmistakable fragrances only soy candles |
| Dan Fehn had some fabulous research data about | | | | offer wafting through their homes. |
| scented candle buyers, however he did not know to | | | | A final keyphrase-rich benefits list of why soy |
| include that information when writing. | | | | candles are superior to traditional wax candles and an |
| Lastly, while Illuminous Times had fairly good search | | | | emotional call-to-action wrapped up the copy. |
| engine rankings, there was room for improvement. | | | | The Results |
| The Solution | | | | I think the results of the copywriting makeover are |
| The data I received included the following information | | | | best stated by Dan himself. |
| from the National Candle Association. | | | | "Thank you! Sales have increase even before the |
| Candle industry research indicates that the most | | | | holiday season and my rankings have improved, too. |
| important factors affecting candle sales are scent, | | | | Right now I am #1 for the term 'soy candles' |
| color, cost and shape. Fragrance is by far the most | | | | (previously ranked at #4), and I'm at #7 for 'scented |
| important characteristic, with three-fourths of candle | | | | candles'... a huge jump up from #17!" |
| purchasers saying it is "extremely important" or "very | | | | So, as you can see, taking the focus off the product |
| important" in their selection of a candle for the home. | | | | or company and putting where it should be (on the |
| Candle manufacturers' surveys show that 96% of all | | | | customer) makes a tremendous difference. Sales |
| candles purchased are bought by women. | | | | naturally increase when the customer feels he/she is |
| Nine out of ten candle users say they use candles to | | | | the reason for your existence. Take some time now |
| make a room feel comfortable or cozy. | | | | to look back over your copy. Is it company focused? |
| This was the basis for the copywriting makeover. As | | | | If so, learning to write specifically for your customers |
| a scented candle lover myself, I knew for a fact | | | | can turn your sales around almost immediately. |
| what women wanted from candles. I understood the | | | | |